Extemporaneity

As I reach out to give her a warm hug, she suggests we alter our approach.  Instinctively, she points out, we turn to the left to initiate an embrace with another and in this thoughtless reflex routinely cheat ourselves.   For when we move toward the right to meet each other, we press our hearts together, adding a whole new layer of connection to a practice already touted for transferring life-sustaining energy.  While this seems like a simple, meaningless adjustment, I’m not prepared for the amplification it brings to this common gesture; the soothing  and powerful rhythm of the human heartbeat is seldom felt in broad daylight out from under the covers with those other than the one closest to us.

Each February I again find myself without a valentine I look for other ways to experience what it means to love. What starts as a salve to combat self-pity turns into an education on all the different ways there are to love. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there is any replacement for romantic love, but I know, like many out there, I am guilty of narrowly defining this devotion. I have closed myself off from others, missed the joy of connecting with human souls, believing my love is finite, reserved for a special few.

I spend most of my life thinking my love is earmarked for my knight in shining armor, that I am required to keep a demure and respectful distance from all of the truly amazing men in this world in deference to my one and only.  And even when our happily ever after crashes, rebooting into my new once upon a time, I still hold myself at bay, at odds with my desire for total independence while secretly on the lookout for a poison apple or spinning wheel to prick my finger cuing the only man I’ll ever need to dash to my rescue.

 

As they say in one of my all-time favorite movies, “love, actually, is all around.”  It’s in places we’d never expect to find it. It’s in every encounter we inhabit:   Family ties, tight friendships, casual acquaintances, spirited colleagues, complete strangers.  The barista who remembers your coffee drink and has it made for you before you even finish paying; the driver who, with a smile, allows you to merge in front of him even though you ride the exit ramp all the way to the end; the manager who sings your praises to the new person joining your team; the co-worker who invites you to lunch when he passes you in the office.  When we’re open, we receive incredible amounts of love from countless individuals every single day.

And the really great thing is we get the opportunity to be that same love for every human being crossing our paths.  We get to be the grin, wink or twinkle in the eye, the affirming voice, the listening ear, the heart-to-heart embrace making someone else’s day. When we let our light shine through, others feel the love.

I’m embarrassed to admit it’s taken me far too many solo Valentine’s Days to figure out that I am the one I’ve been waiting for. I don’t need to sit passively expecting love to drop into my lap, nor do I need to scour the ends of the earth seeking it out.  I possess an infinite amount of love at my disposal to dispense whenever, wherever, to whomever I please.  It’s free for the giving.  And when I pass it on, it comes back to me.

Seems like getting what you’re after is about sending out what you’re looking for. Lovers are nothing more than other strangers until we’re brave enough to show them who we are.